Blog, emotion, life, the depression diaries, thoughts

internal identity/ crisis

who am I? ...what makes me who I am? ...can it change? will it? ...am I a good person? ...am I good enough? ...to who's standard? compared to the artsy bubble girl I viewed as a role model when I was nine, I'm not nearly enthusiastic or outgoing enough. compared to the pretty girl I… Continue reading internal identity/ crisis

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Blog, emotion, life, the depression diaries, thoughts

trama

I almost got into an accident this afternoon. And I feel so guilty, but I used to stop fearing horror movies and disasters because I used to stop fearing death, so this terrible feeling means I’m getting better right? it means I can still feel something again (though I am also numb because of it).… Continue reading trama

Blog, emotion, relationships, thoughts

it’s okay, i still love you.

I've never been naive enough to believe that I was in love. Love is such a strong and intense word that I avoid using it at all. I even rarely say the full three words to my parents and siblings-- shortening the phrase to a softer "love you" rather than saying "I". The last time,… Continue reading it’s okay, i still love you.

Blog, emotion, the depression diaries, thoughts

The Depression Diaries

Day Four- I don't ever consciously remember feeling so aware of depression. It's the feeling of waking up amazed that I finally fell asleep, wishing again for the release of dark oblivion. It's going out each day and perfecting my mask of happiness and smiles, to the point where I can almost fool myself now,… Continue reading The Depression Diaries